Disappointments

I've been going through a disappointing stretch, which is part of the reason I haven't updated this blog for awhile. First of all, I sent out a bunch of emails to booking agents trying to get shows for an East Coast tour in January, and got no responses. Bleah. Part of it may be that I waited too long to send the emails; two or three months in advance would have been better. So I might try again later (I had wanted to do January to coincide with my friend Michael's vacation). Another thing that helps is if you have contacts with people in other cities, and that comes with time: playing more shows and meeting bands from out of town. I also haven't had any luck booking more shows in Michigan.

The second item of disappointment was my first paid gig at the Crofoot on Friday 12/12. It was this bar gig... people were mostly sitting talking at the bar and ignoring me. I got good responses for a few songs but overall I felt uncomfortable. One issue was that there were sound problems and my lyrics were hard to hear. Also I had forgotten the power cord for the mannequins so that effect was missing. Mostly people paid attention to me when I got hyper and crazy, but I felt like there were diminishing returns on that, driving me to ever more drastic craziness... it felt sort of desperate. So the last song, "The Crazy Man Dance", I pretty much cut loose... I drew people from adjacent rooms, coming in to see what the commotion was. My sense was that people weren't excited or into it though, they were just gawking. I want a balance in my shows, I like making people a little uncomfortable or weirded out, but I also want them excited and drawn in. So I think the balance this time was too much towards the former side.

Perhaps it just wasn't the right audience. The question has been on my mind: exactly what are my goals for this year? I don't want to make a living off of this. I'm not aiming to be MTV famous. So after the last show it occurred to me that a big thing to connect with the audience for my music. The theory is that some people out there would be especially receptive to my music, and I just want to get noticed enough so that those people can find my stuff.

One thing to note about the Crofoot gig was that I got so worked up during "The Crazy Man Dance" that I entered some kind of altered state of consciousness. There was this moment where I wasn't really aware of my surroundings. My body was moving by itself without me willing it; I felt like I was removed, floating in space somewhere, with a warm light around me. All my worries about how the gig was going were suddenly gone and I felt very happy. It may have been related psychologically to some religious experiences, which I suppose in some cultures are partly induced by dancing (e.g. Whirling Dervishes). It would be good to have more, and more prolonged, experiences like this... hopefully while not alienating the audience.